I’m gay and struggling with my sexuality. I want to get back to my faith but I can’t without being perverse and deviant. I can’t be alone with a priest without wanting to fuck him. I used to volunteer at a church and thought I was being cute about it, I was asked to leave because I’d inadvertently flirt and do things around a specific man and he didn’t like it. I try to control myself and I want to be forgiven, do my penance and stop being like this. But at the same time, I only feel like I’ll get closer to God if it’s through real confessional, and through offering myself to a real priest. I used to love laying in the field behind the parish and masturbating. I’m afraid to be alone with a man of God, because I can’t resist temptation. I long and desire a man of God that can be professional and a real mentor....I want to be all his, and him all mine. I want to be baptized again in a private ceremony, naked together and I want to sit in the pool on my knees and suck him until he showers my face with his cum. I want a priest that will marry me in our own secret ceremony between us and God... I want to work and devote my life to that man and the church... and grow, fuck, love, and learn with him. I want all things Holy, I want God, faith, and scripture to be intertwined with sex and love. I want to do my communion all over again and when he places the body of Christ on my tongue I will wait like that and won’t swallow until his cum blesses me... I want to lay naked on the alter after hours and have him bless and pray over my body. I want to be a true acolyte, bonded to only one man through God.

I’m so fucking messed up but it all feels so right to me. I long to be devoted and service a man who has given his life and service to God. I know that it’s all so crazy and outlandish of a desire.

I’m a fallen angel in need of guidance and acceptance... if God didn’t want me to be this way would I be? I guess I’m okay either way, but I’m being drawn towards the light of God and want to commit to it. That’s what I want...

Please pray for me, pray with me. I have come to believe it’s Gods will to give myself to a man of his service. I will vow to only love one man, and love God only through that man. This isn’t a fucking fetish... this is MY LIFE...

:-(