For just about as long as I can remember I've been over sexed or something. Always doing some weird sexual thing. When I was five or six maybe even earlier I remember sneaking into my sister's room, she was 12 or 13, and feeling her crotch. I didn't know what I was doing but there was something dirty and hot about it. She was always wet when I did it and I was surprised that my hands got all wet when I played with her. Sometimes she would wake up and kick me out of her room.

But you would never tell Mom. Probably those were the times she was just starting to menstruate and had gotten into that it would have been quite hard to explain how I got blood over me. I don't know. Other times, most times, she just laid there like she was sleeping. But now I know she wasn't. That's one instance. A year or two later we moved into town from the country and I met a friend that lived in town just down the alley from me. He had two brothers. One younger and one older. The oldest one, (about five years older than me) would always sneak in and feel and play with me on sleepovers. Needless to say, I was always hoping a sleepover would happen. When it did I could always count on it. It felt so good. But I always pretended I was sleeping through it all. This went on for several years. Later when I was about 14 we ended up sleeping in the same bed for a ski trip we were taking the following day. I woke up when he cold towards him, facing him, stuck his penis between my thigh and my testicles and and humped on me that way until he came all over me. As usual, I pretended I was sleeping through the whole thing. I remember we both got up to clean ourselves off. It was a very awkward moment to say the least. Of course both of us new that I couldn't have slept through that. Neither of us ever said word about it to one another then or after. I haven't seen him now in probably 30 years. But I've often wondered if he would actually fuck me if we did meet again and I lured him into it.

Then a little later in my teen years we moved again to a fairly large town. I finished grade school there and went to high school. When I was 13 my sister had gotten a dog that was always licking. He would hurt and wouldn't stop unless you made him. One day I got the idea that he would probably do the same thing to my crotch. I was right, he did, and that's when I had my first little boy orgasm. The more pee and pre that came out of my little red penis the more he would lick and lick and lick. It was an amazing feeling. Until my sister moved away a year or so later I frequently let that dog lick me like that.

Then when I was 15 in my last year of grade school I had sex with my first girl. She was 15 too and in the same grade. We had sex a lot. She was completely slutty manipulative young girl, and I wasn't the only one she was doing. Eventually that was found out and her other boyfriend became very jealous and the whole thing ended.

All through the beginning of high school I masturbated constantly. Couldn't get enough of playing with myself. Finally I met another girl at the end of 10th grade, she was in ninth. She was gorgeous. All we did was fuck. I had gotten my driver's license and a car and we would go out, park and fuck. It was amazing that she didn't get pregnant. In my senior year I was still seeing her but she had met someone else, this motorcycle guy. She dumped me, took up with him and ended up getting pregnant.

But even during that time I was always doing weird things on the side. I can't remember the timeline exactly, but I remember taking Polaroids of myself with an instant camera. Pictures by the hundreds of my kind of girly body. I would hide them in the drawer in an old cabinet in the basement and masturbate to them while I took more. This became kind of expensive. So I would go to the local pharmacy and steal film off the shelf because I couldn't afford it all. So I was also a thief. But I never got caught.

Anyway, one day I got the idea that I wanted a friend, who was a known big mouth for spreading stories, to find the pictures and show them all to over school. . My face was never in any of them. And I actually believed that that would happen. I knew he would do that. So I dropped the pictures in a roll in front of a classroom door he was in just before the class bell rang where I was, for reason, convinced that only he would find them. Why for some stupid reason I thought he would be the one to pick them up is beyond me. What actually happened was the teacher exited the room first before the bell rang, (as particular teacher always did, found the pictures and looked shocked when he unrolled them. I was watching from just down the hall behind my locker door and thought, holy shit! Well nothing ever came of that but I remember it well.

After high school and graduation I had a dry spell from my deviancy for a long time and spent most of it pining after the girl that had dumped me for the motorcycle guy. Later on she was divorced from him but quickly met another. I wanted to marry her but they had gotten involved and I was too late. They got married and after years of apparent unhappiness with him we began to talk to one another again. She going to periodically call me. I had moved about 150 miles from her at that time but we began to see each other. I would drive down, get a motel room and we would have sex for hours two or three times a year. I felt terrible, and I think she did too because we were both cheating on her husband. They ended up getting divorced as well. But in the interim I had met another girl (my wife) where I lived and we had decided to get married. That put an end to those meetings. But I was in touch with her occasionally and was ready and willing to cheat on my new wife with her at the drop of a hat. It never happened, but I was ready. But the only reason it didn't happen is because she called it off. So I couldn't really claim any decency there. It made me feel like a scumball, a liar and a cheater. Never what I wanted to be. Here I was in my 30s, married, with a child and great wife yet ready to risk it all for some nostalgia and a piece of ass.

Well, I never saw that girl again. But during my marriage I reverted back to allowing dogs to lick me. It's like sex wasn't enough. I had to be doing something perverse, weird and filthy.

Being self-employed, I would come home at every opportunity while my wife was at work and I hadn't much to do. I would strip down, get the dog to lick me and take pictures and videos. I had two or three tapes full of me with the dog or just masturbating. That made me feel creepy too. But I did it anyway. I ultimately destroyed all the tapes fearing that they would be found. But now I wish I would have kept them just to watch what I had done back then.

These are just a few of the things.

Once I came close to molesting my 12 yr old nephew. I didn't thank God, but I showed him how to jerk off. I have to wonder, whenever I see him, if he ever thinks of that. I'm sure he does. You just don't forget about stuff like that. It's quite a shameful feeling. When you're young and stupid you don't realize the gravity of the things that you do.

And throughout all of this and more I was constantly masturbating finding sex wherever I could find it. Taking pictures and videos of myself when I couldn't. Looking back, it's as if my entire life has been consumed with sex.

I ended up being divorced after 14 years or so and then started dating online as those sites became available. This was in the late 90s. For years I dated and dated and dated. Had sex with nearly every girl I dated. Lost count. I think there were probably 15 or 20 of them. And none of those relationships ended nicely. I had always convinced myself that I was looking for another wife. But actually all I was looking for was a piece of ass. Finally I just stopped dating because nothing would work and it was frustrating, anxious and aggravating. Got sick of all the drama. Even though I could look back and realize that I had caused most of that drama.

So after a few years of no dating and unceasing masturbation, I found myself getting online to chat with men. I was a slender guy, always had been and had a rather feminine appearance about me I guess for a guy. Never was a big guy. So it was easy to attract the attention of guys that were leaning that way with photos and chat. I would send out pictures of myself to them online, sometimes videos. I had also become quite fond of cross-dressing now and then. Wigs, makeup, the whole bit. Almost got caught by my wife once.

Anyway. Finally about 7 years ago, I think driven by pre-teen and teenage years and the memories of times with my friends older brother that had seemed so hot, I decided to give it a shot. I was experimenting with craigslist and began meeting guys for sex. I told myself it would be a mistake because if I liked it, I knew I would want it again and again. It's just the way this shit works. But did it anyway. Well, that's exactly what happened and now I seek out men constantly for sex. So much so that now I've lost count of the number of men I've been with! I hate myself for it but at the same time have a perverse love for it. I never wanted to be gay. Never imagined I was or could be. And I still don't feel that I am but now I always bottom for guys around my age. It's so degrading and so filthy, yet somehow it's exactly what I want. Right now I'm working on turning a guy I've been meeting occasionally into a Dom if I can. I'm still in pretty good shape, short and thin. I portray myself as submissively as I can to him and it seems to be working. He's becoming more and more dominant and forceful. He's even asked me if I'll start dressing for him after I showed him a few pictures. I'm ashamed to say I enjoy all of this but I do. And there's some kind of turn on realizing that I can manipulate someone to do to me what I want them to do just by appealing to their base animal instincts. Use me and humiliate me. It's so weird. Just weird. I don't understand it. Never understood any of this.

Reading this over I've realized that I've missed a few things. But, it's just been a perverse life. What can I say. It seems I spent much of it ashamed and confused. I'd like to go back and erase it all. I need to stop it. I feel trapped now and I'm an old man. All lights suggest anyone is don't mess with this stuff.