I grew up in an offshoot of the FLDS church, like Sister Wives or Big Love, but way stricter about certain things. Having left years ago, I'm 41 Male and have been out for 20 years, I can tell you some of the things you see on TV are tame in comparison to what my family believes. And the shit that happened...

Anyway, my father has 22 kids to 4 women. All of the girls are taught to be subserviant to men in all ways. That includes the 6 boys. Even my Moms were conditioned to never speak up to us.

Around 8, the prophet sat me down and told me that I was a man now (it's a weird belief in the church that 8 is the age that kids become adults) and that meant I had to start doing adult things. At first it was stuff like collecting tithing, doing home teaching visits, and helping with the sacrament, but by 12, all the boys, and I mean ALL of us, were helping the prophet find the right girls for him, the ones that would be in his eternal family. I think he would have us help because kids talk to kids differently than they talked to their parents. I was 13 when he wanted me to pick which of my sisters would be a good wife. My sisters were happy to be in the running, so they kept trying to serve me to show which ones would be the best.

I was at the age where I was horny, so after a while, I started making them prove they would do anything. I made them pray naked, I would make them do chores in their underwear when my moms were busy, and after the prophet told me that masturbation wasn't really a sin if it was witnessed by your wives, I made them watch me maturbate to prove which ones would be good witnesses.

The three that were not scared were the ones I focused on and I asked the prophet which one he wanted. He choose my 9 year old sister, but I didn't tell them that because he said he would talk it over with my dad. I told all three they had another test and that night, all three came to my room where me and two brothers slept. I made them get naked and climb into my bed while we "examined" them.

We touched all three in ways we never should have, but I still think about. I told my brothers, 10 and 12, about the prophet's choice, so we looked at her holes but didn't touch them. My 14 year old sister let me put my penis inside her until I "expressed God's joy" while my brothers fondled and masturbated over my 11 year old sister. My 14 year old sister had not known any man, so she cried, but afterwards I promised to tell the prophet that she did what she was supposed to do. The 9 year old just laid on her back and let me touch her while I did this.

The prohet did marry the 9 year old, and a year later, he proposed that because I had deflowered my sister, she would be one of my wives. It was about 2 years after that my dad, the prophet, and some other men were arrested because, on top of marrying 9 year olds, they kept recordings on their wedding nights as "official records" of the church. Some of them got out onto the internet and people found us. If you've seen some videos of that kind of thing, there's a chance you've seen my dad.

Most of the kids got out and away, and we lost contact, though the sister I deflowered and I still talk. We've both gone through counselling and I've apologized to her, but at night, sometimes, I still think about and want to do it again.