These are feelings I've grappled with for years. I am 30, trans and though I have known it for around 10 years I have never been able to transition. I have not been able to hold down conventional jobs due to mental health and have been forced to live with family because of that. Moving out has been extremely difficult and sometimes feels impossible, and the motivator of it all is wanting to finally be able to transition and express myself for who I am.

The feeling of not having control and having sexual trauma/ experiences in an adult shop have built up with the frustration, forced repression, and other things. And now I have an overwhelming want, almost a craving to be taken and feminized. It's so fucked up. I find myself fantasizing about being taken and slowly reshaped through diet, brainwashing and HRT into a pornstar-esque bimbo of a woman. And I can't stop looking it up and craving it. I want to give up. I want to give in so badly. Everything is so tiring, and the idea of suddenly not having a choice but to become a version of what I am on the inside even if it ends with me in a life as a mindless sex object sounds so desirable.

I'm scared of what I'd do if the situation actually presented itself to me.

My husband was the macho alpha type guy who hung out all the time with his buddies watch sports drink beer and come home drunk want to be fed and have sex.When we met he had a steady job as a CPA but after being married only a few months he got laid off and that’s when he started this alpha BS and hanging with his deadbeat friends.About two months ago while he was in the shower his phone rang and when I answered there was no one on the other end but the phone was unlocked and there was videos of men getting fucked in the ass with a strap on and all of them looked docile and submissive.That very day I went out and made several purchases at a store called the dudgeon and at the local Walmart.He came home drunk as usual and wanted me to suck him so I told him to go into the bedroom and get undressed and when I entered the room he was laying there naked snoring away.I was wearing just my bathrobe but when I took it off hanging between my legs was eight inches of hard cock.I rolled him on his stomach lubed up his hole and then I slapped his face as hard as a could waking him up. I was already positioned and when his eyes opened I entered him and I took him roughly forcing all eight inches deep inside him.At first he was screaming and cursing but this soon turned to crying and begging and then no more begging just him sobbing as I fucked him for over an hour.When I pulled out and he rolled over I seen the gooey mess it looked like my little bitch had cum a couple of times.Since that day I am now the Alpha in the house. He now has a job as an accountant and works from home.He no longer hangs with his friends as his wardrobe consists of skirts blouses and lingerie and for all intents and purposes he is my wife very docile and obedient all because of the power of pegging.

Growing up I had quite a normal life, my mum and my dad were still together and living happily. They ended up having 3 children, my older sister, me and my younger sister. After my younger sister was born, my dad "left to go get some milk", I dont think he could handle 3 kids. Right now I'm 16, my older sister is 18 and my younger sister is 12. A few years after my dad left, when I was about 6 or 7, my mum shouted for me and my sister to come upstairs, which we did. When we both walked in she was lying on her bed, fully naked, breastfeeding our younger sister. In a panic we both ran out, but she demanded for us to come back in. Worried incase we got in trouble, we both walked in. She told us to lock the door, which my sister did, but I couldnt stop staring at her pussy. I've never considered my mum attractive, but I couldnt take my eyes off of it. My mum noticed this and started to finger herself in front of me, this is my first memory of a boner. She told both me and my sister to take our clothes off of each other, and when we did, she told only me to put my sisters clothes on. I was so confused at the time but still did it, I kind of liked being bossed around. She told me to come over in front of her. As soon as I got there she grabbed my head and pushed it into her pussy, told me to lick it and smell it, and I did, and I loved it. She held me there for a few minutes, and I noticed something warm, it was her pissing in my mouth. It tasted bad but I didnt want to get in trouble so I kept licking. I noticed she had my older sister sucking on her other tit. She let go of my head and were told we could leave. My mum started walking around nude and getting us to bathe together. Eventually me and my sister were walking around nude and copying what we did with our mum. I would suck on her nipples and lick her pussy as she peed in my mouth. My mum caught on to what we were doing and invited us to sleep in her bed tonight. I remember her putting something on to watch as we layed in bed, there was a girl on all fours. Except I noticed, it wasnt a girl, it was a guy wearing girls clothes. A group of women came along, these all wearing strap ons, big ones too, atleast 10 inches and 4 inches in width. The "girl" was fucked senseless for an hour and all I thought was, I wish I was that guy. My mum got up and threw me some used panties. They were wet and had a blood stain on the front, but I still put them on. My mum opened a draw, only to pull out a dildo and a strap on, she told me to shove the dildo up my ass. I had no idea what the dildo was until she handed me it, and well I tried, I wanted to copy the guy on the TV, but I couldn't get it in. My mum took it back off of me, only to start shoving it violently up her pussy. She pulled it back out and started to suck on it, my sister was watching, she looked confused. I asked about it and she had no clue she could stick anything up there, she started trying to put her own fingers up until my mum told her to stop. She handed me back the dildo, and I sat on it, only for it to slide up my asshole. It was really painful, to the point I was almost crying, but I think my mam enjoyed watching it. I sat in pain for a bit, while I noticed my mum was putting the on the strap on. My mum faced my sister and pushed her down on the bed. She told me to watch as she positioned it right in front of her entrance. She pushed it in and my sister let out a yelp. She kept telling her it hurts, but she continued and eventually, she stopped saying it hurts and she seemed to enjoy it. I also stopped feeling the pain in my ass, and would try to go up and down, it was quite hard at first. My mum pulled out of her, some blood came out with it, and she moved on to me. She pulled out the dildo, it really suprised me but as it passed my sphincter it felt great. She started fucking me with her strap on, she was quick and aggressive, and I liked it. While she did she pulled on my hair, I loved being used by her. She told my sister to bend over infront of me, her ass was in my face. My mum pushed my head into her ass, telling me to lick it. My sister obviously hadn't wiped correctly, since it tasted really bad, but I also kinda enjoyed it. I think the constant moans we were all making woke up our little sister, who was sleeping in her cot. This queued us to stop. My mum pulled out and I gave my sister a few more licks. However it turns out it wasnt over. She had an idea that involved my 2 year old sister. She placed her head at my penis, that was still hard and she started sucking, I guess she thought it was a nipple. She kept doing this until I orgasmed, I obviously couldn't cum as I was too young. My mum then actually breast fed her and I took the other nipple as my sister fingered my ass. As we grew up this would happen more often, we all grew to be nudist and very sex open. My mum realised she could keep my behaviour in check as well as my grades high if she offered to fuck me with her big strap on as a reward. She would still end up doing it regardless anyways. If she didn't, she raised both of my sisters to be dominant and I'd let them fuck me. I liked it when my older sister fucked me since she had a horse cock strap on and a pink one that was covered in rubber spikes. They felt great.

When my younger sister turned 8, I got the pleasure of taking her virginity. On her birthday, we let her be the one in control of everything, and well it turns out my younger sister is really kinky. I was tied to the bed, unable to move, she made both my mum and my sister shit in their pants and leave them on. My sister kept giving me little scratches and bites, usually biting my nipples. She drew blood from a few scratches but it was alright. She let my sister and mum take off their panties and left them on the floor. She demanded that I let them sit on my face as I eat their asses out. I didnt really want to taste their shit but i still did it anyway. I havent really mentioned but my sisters and mum are quite chubby. They let their full weight on my face and I proceeded to lick the shit off of both their asses. While doing this my sister pulled out my cock which is currently hard as nails. She opened up her lips and slid down my cock, I popped her cherry and had her moaning and screaming for the first few minutes. After we finished I was the "toilet for the day" I wouldnt eat their shit but let them all piss in my mouth.

Sometimes when I really need to be fucked, I like to get in bed with my sister or my mum, play with them while they're asleep, let them wake up and "punish me". At these points they're really aggressive when it comes to fucking me, sometimes I get fucked in my ass while getting throat fucked. Sometimes they just piss on me. Sometimes I'll just be walking around my house and they'll come along, push me down and fuck me right then and there. I regularly make out and fuck my younger sister, or she fucks me. We tend to sleep together since I really like her kinkyness. I guess I'm also into the fact shes pretty dirty as in unhygienic. Shes doesnt shave very often as well as showering. But I kinda like the fact that she stinks and is always sweaty. I enjoy licking the sweat and burying myself in her pubes and armpit hair I like the piss and shit stained panties which she likes to shove in my mouth.

On my 16th birthday, I was taken to a nudist resort for a few days, I enjoyed getting fucked by my family. One day we went in public, my mum used her strapon on my ass and started fucking me really hard. It caught the attention of a few people. Some were disgusted but some stood around and watched, the majority were women. Some wanted to try me, and I let them, my mum loaned me her strap on (They wouldnt have known it was my mum) and I got fucked by two other women, one was quite slow but strong and rough, while the other one was really fast and aggressive. I think I enjoyed being watched by a crowd, especially knowing their were kids nearby, but for some reason nobody seemed to care about that. I think a little girl noticed but that was it. We left that day and in the car journey back, I let both my younger and older sister fuck me and use me, if they needed the toilet, that's what I was there for.

This is still a regular thing, I'm probably gonna try getting fucked by my older sister tonight.