Dirty Confessions - Reveal your innermost secrets.

#1861

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I feel I need advice to “re-adjust” my sexual feelings. I have gone from feeling worthless and dirty, (a total pervert in fact) to almost accepting my past deviant behaviour as normal, but simply because I discovered on the internet from sites like this that I was far from a minority, “other” women have not only done what I did, but also clearly enjoying it too, as much as I did. My own 'enjoyment' of it all was where all my original "guilt" came from, not from the actual sex act itself... I could simply have 'blamed' that on my husband, but my obvious sexual climax on audio tape was clearly not faked. My husbands criteria for my being 'perverted' was not consenting to actually doing it with Kim, seemingly that was ok, as it was just 'for' him, but my enjoying the sex act myself had made me into a dog's slut..

Now, since finding out MANY other women have done too, I have gone the opposite way totally. I am now actively “seeking” pornography or stories involving women and dogs and becoming increasingly aroused by viewing it in bed on a regular basis, sometimes several times a week on my laptop.

For perhaps ten years when single again I just blanked it all this out, I was practically sexless, I didn't even masturbate and hated thinking about my sordid past, if anything did remind me about it, I hated myself and tried to shut it away..

It didnt help if it ever came up as a subject of conversation, joke, news item etc. any of my girlfriends always looked totaly shocked and said, "Oh my God, how could any woman do that?" Clearly that didnt help things in my head...

Now I am the opposite. More and more when I feel sexy I am “re-living” my own true memories of sexual activity with dogs. During masturbation I even fantasise about doing it all over again! Its the final 'bit' before I come!

I am in my fifties. I have been married and divorced twice. The first husband was sexual naive, although I obviously didn’t know it then because I was too! Despite talk about the swinging seventies, my life was sexually boring as I remember, even after I was married aged 20. When I met my 2nd husband things were totally different. He soon had me doing all kinds of “deviant” things, like masturbating myself with bottles and other ‘toy’ objects.

I felt incredably "sexy" at what a 'dirty'girl I was being... It turned me on... a lot..

Eventually, after watching blue movies on video I consented to first of all, letting our dog lick me intimately, then after a few months of getting more excited by all this (I think it was the “taboo” of what I was doing) I finally agreed to let the dog mount me while I was over onto my knees I willingly allowed it to have full sex with me. While I was “guilty”, (almost mortified) when I woke up on that first morning and thought hard about what I’d done I very soon got over that, it made me so sexy that I masturbated on my own just thinking about it, even later on that next day. It was the sheer thought of how debauched and “dirty” I’d been doing it with Kim, by guiding his penis inside me and pushing back at his frantic thrusts once he did. I remembered this full well in my head, next day despite how much my concsience tried to shift the blame onto my husband in my head.

I STILL always get excited now remembering it back, how sexy it had felt with the dog swollen up hard inside, especially when I’d felt him start ejaculating in me, and how hot his sperm had felt, much different to a mans. (To do with different K9 body temp I have researched since.)

I had full sex with perhaps half a dozen different dogs over about 8/9 years, I did it many times more and enjoyed it even more as it all went on, I think probably because what I was doing was all so very ‘dirty’ and the very thought of it excited me, “What would these frightfully posh Ladies I meet daily in the village think if they only knew just what I’d been letting big dogs do to me on my knees”!..

Not surprisingly this explosive marriage based purely on sex eventually fell apart. When we got divorced 10 years later it was a bitter separation. My husband threatened to “expose” me for a pervert unless he got his own way over everything, mostly financial as we were very well off, with no kids. I signed most of it over for some photographs & tapes to destroy. Yes,through blackmail. I went totally in pieces after the divorce. I hated and despised myself for years over what I'd done with the dogs. I thought I was in a tiny perverted minority, I probably was back then in the late eighties..

Lately though I've found from the internet that others are doing it too! I'm far from a minority in what I once did, first ‘for’ my husband but then start to enjoying doing it too.

Suddenly I'm finding that I can’t stop this thought exciting me again, so much so that I am honestly tempted to “baby sit” a dog some time just do 'it' again, at least the first licking part. I probably wont but I just can’t stop masturbating over the very thought of doing it again, or stop watching this type of porn on the internet. I become excited seeing that lots of other women clearly enjoy their pet dogs sexually too now, it seems its everywhere I look on line. That is why I am here, on thi site.

Sadly, my biggest regret is not that I did it, but that I did not keep just ONE video tape. I would give my right arm to watch one of me now..

A lot of Dog porn I hate, for instance any women being “forced” to do this with dogs. My fantasy is far from that scenario, mine is just seeing women enjoying it as much as I did when I felt a dog had ejaculating hot inside me. I just can’t help it, for one I do know exactly what it feels like. Yes sometimes it goes wrong and is quick or awkward but on other occasions, its incredibly sexy letting a dog lick, or mate you to climax, the dogs quite obviously loved it too, quite often they would try get on a second time.

I am not anxious about my masturbating regularly, what is troubling me is what I am more and more masturbating about. Yes, I'm remembering my past, and sex with men too but invariably at the last point when I climax its invariably scenes in my mind of myself having sex under a dog, and the heady memory of how hot it felt when it ejaculated, almost like its peeing inside me, I simply cant get it out of my head, masturbating or even the rare occasions when I make love with a man,I want to 'imagine' its a dog. (Sadly its NOT the same)

If I do get a choice I invariably engineer it it to do it over on my knees, which most men quite seem to like, perhaps they would not be so keen if the knew the real reason why it excites me so much? I simply can’t forget about what I did years ago!

After what it did to me personally years ago I am certainly not advocating or promoting this type of sexuality in any way as a normal way of life, it’s quite clearly not so. Also It’s a deviation that could well do a female whom you love a great deal of serious mental harm should you try to encourage her into this sexual behaviour, quite apart from which, in most countries, it’s now also illegal.

My problem is, quite simply what to do next? and where do I go from here. While I certainly cannot undo what had been done years ago, I do feel confident that l will never do it again. However this still leaves the fact that, in my own fantasy replay’s these incidents are recollected by me in infinite detail. What was previously so very painful to remember has now gone to extremely pleasurable in less than a year, so much so that it’s taking me over.

My dilemma is that I'm becoming addicted to masturbation, over this ONE single topic.

Do you think Fantasy over recollections might still harm me? should I perhaps just try to lock my past away again for good and forget it?

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