I met my stepdaughter when she was 6, and i was in my 20s. shes now 12. She started puberty early (a few years ago)

We've always had an amazing bond, we have the best father-daughter relationship anyone could ask for.

We used to read stories together, watch movies. Now we watch horror movies and have a heap of common interests that nobody else really gets. We've always cuddled up to each other and told each other how much we love eachother. It was always a normal, healthy , platonic relationship.

For years now, we will be watching a movie or something and she will wrap her legs around mine or intertwine with my legs. There was nothing abnormal about it to us. It made me feel loved and i figured it gave her a sense of security.

We are basically best friends. Theres more than a 15 year age gap between us, but somehow we are just on the same wavelength.

Oneday, i cant even remember how long ago, she reached down with her foot and pulled my leg up into her crotch and just held it there. The next time she did it, she squeezed my leg between her thighs. The third time she rubbed against my knee, pulling my leg deeper and deeper. I should have stopped her, but i didnt. Shes a very attractive girl, and we are so close. It caught me off guard and i kind of just let it happen. I saw what she was doing and thought "ok, i guess we are doing this".

And then i let it happen again. And again. And the more it happened the more i started finding myself attracted to her. Sometimes i look at her across the room and cant help but think "fuck you're gorgeous"

At some point i started doing it back. She would pull my leg in and id roll into it, maybe even switch legs, and rub my knee against her. Then it developed into me grabbing her leg or ass to get better leverage. Oneday i just shoved my hand up her shirt.

Then she started sending me nsfw things in a provate chat. Not like, photos of her or anything. Stories, chat transcripts, role playing shit, kinky things that she reads while masturbating. Then i started sending the same sort of shit back.

Eventually she got to a point where she would masturbate right next to me. She didnt let me see or anything, but she made it obvious what she was doing under the blanket. Sometimes ill be right next to her, see what she is doing, and think "fuck it" and start stroking my cock.

Most of the time when we are together, just to make this clear, we are just watching videos and hanging out. These things happen like 0.05% of the time.

The other day i had my hand resting on her stomach, and she moved it down to her crotch. I just stayed still because i was thinking "does she realise where she just put my hand". After 10 minutes or so i shifted my hand slightly just to remind her where my hand was, expecting her to move it away. She didn't.

The next day she pulled my knee in again and i started rubbing it against her and i could tell it wasnt working very well. I grabbed her ass, i stroked her thigh. Eventually i touched her gently, just above her vagina. I expected her to move my hand away, but she didnt. My knee was still between her legs. before i knew it she had her legs spread and i was rubbing her pussy through her pants. She spread her legs wide, i could tell she wanted more. I put my hand inside her pants and rubbed her through her underwear. I knew we had already gone too far and that at this point we have definitely crossed a line. We already had crossed a line, but if there was ever any doubt that we had gone too far, this was it.

But i kept going, and i could feel how wet she was through her underwear. eventually i reached down further and felt her wet (really, really wet) pussy. There was a hole in her underwear. She wasnt phased or anything. We were already at the point of no return, so i reached inside her underwear and started rubbing her. It felt amazing. She felt amazing. I wanted to keep going forever.

Obviously afterwards i felt pretty shitty about myself. I wasnt sure how she felt, so i messaged her. She said she didn't really know either, but that it felt good. I figured we'd probably forget we did it and move on.

Fast forward a few days, we've now done it i think 6 times. She gets in bed with me in her underwear and puts her leg over mine, making it obvious that shes presenting herself.

I've lost control. I wanted her so bad tonight i tried to rub her with my cock so she could feel it. We were on a bad angle because we werent totally alone and didnt want it to be obvious what was happening under the covers if someone walked in. So i barely made contact, but i made enough contact to make my tip wet, and she was basically dripping.

We are both confused. I think we need to stop. I know we need to stop. I still love her like a daughter. I want to protect her, i want to give her everything. 99.5% of the time thats all we are. I just, also want to rail her until we both explode sometimes, and sometimes has become multiple times a day. I sit there thinking "i could bend her over and ream her ass, fill her up". I havent came for her, but i know if i did it would be explosive.

We are both apparently really fucking good actors. we can switch it off in the blink of an eye and act like we werent doing anything.

I know what this is. I know what this makes me. I know this is the worst possible thing i could do. I know what i deserve.

But i also know this is an exclusive thing that is every bit about her, and not her age. She acts like an adult. We feel like two halves of the same apple.

I have zero interest in anybody else her age. I see some kid and i think "thats a kid". I see some of the other confessions on here where people see a kid as a sex toy and im the one thinking "you're a fucking pig. Theres something wrong with you. What the fuck. Thats a kid you creep". I think its gross. I see some kids obsessing over some man online and i think "that guy could be your dad, the fuck is wrong with you".

But then my stepdaughter comes to me in her underwear and gives me a look and i just want to bend her over right there. Sometimes. A small fraction of the time. Most of the time im actually thinking "you want some food?". But it should be 0% of the time, and im not sure what to do about it.

I'm actually coming to terms with the fact that im not really attracted to anyone. It seems to be just her. I can see other people, male or female, and be like "thats an attractive person", but im not attracted to them.

I dont want it to be like this. I dont want to want her like this. I dont know how to stop, and i dont know if she does either. If anyone ever found out, it would destroy so many lives including our own.

I dont want to have fucked everything up. But i have. Here we are. I'll probably send her this, she'll see how ashamed i am, and then in a few days ill ask her to ride me like a bull anyway because ive gone crazy.

I've lost control. I love her so much.

The fuck is wrong with me